im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
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you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
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You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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