I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
