Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
