Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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