in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
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are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
So here I am, sexting at work.
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