I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
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