I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
You don't make any sense
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