the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
