I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize