u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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