Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
