Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
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