You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
