got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize