no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
