he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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