so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
How does one acquire holy water?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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