i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Randomize
