This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
