WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize
