1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Randomize
