My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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