Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
