I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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