I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
