I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
