I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Randomize
