so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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