I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
