Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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