i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
