My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
