just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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