This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
