A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
