why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
