he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
