Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
