using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
