why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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