she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
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