I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
