worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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