quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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