but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
