I just made out with a guy for $7.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I looked at my own cervix.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
