I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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