i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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