...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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