Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
