He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
a search helicopter?!
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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