My room smells like vodka and shame
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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