i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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