Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
