it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
