I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
