Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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