I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
