I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
