I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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