I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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