pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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