I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
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Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
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If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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