only if we run a train.
done.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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