I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
where are my eyebrows?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize